Friday, May 08, 2009 stayed home to teach the girls, helped aunty noi with chores and cooking yesterday (: vonny loves cooking and i simply love aunty noi's company. ohyeah! and we baked lovely cookies for mothers' day today. cant wait to give them to my mom. didnt manage to get tupperware to keep them so i decided to store them in the fridge. hope they'll be fine in there (",) going for training tmr (((: gonna see coach, lossini, khaileng and alexis. i cant wait ((: hee. but after tt will be chem tuition :S but i'm sure it will be a great day cos i have a great God. all the best to those having time trial tmr - raviin, leo, anand, feroz and some others but i dont know who. :D jiayou!
unwanted yet loved...
many things have happened recently and i don't seem to understand why things went the way it did. been struggling with things like whether i'm accepted at home, whether my help will be of significance to the girls at home, whether my existence would even make a difference to anyone.
but i think today, God gave me the answer to all of them.
for the past week i've been feeling really confused about how i should feel towards ahpa. i can say, he's the very first adult other than mr ramond who has won my trust in sharing my troubles and joy with. i never knew that it actually feels so good to have a father who cares and loves me just for who i am and displaying God's love to me. recently, many have often times used his name to order me around and this has really affected how i feel about him although in my heart i very much wanted to trust that he loves me genuinely. but, today i think i've got an answer and my heart is at ease now. as usual, i only got to speak to ahpa for a few mins in a week cos he's a busy man who has to handle so many other girls. Although he doesn't know what was going through my mind, i was really convinced that nothing has changed since the day i met him here. I recalled very clearly, when i first came here, i was crying and feeling unwanted, he held me and said, " Dear child, you don't have to fear cos this is your home and you will never have to be 'thrown away' cos God loves you and I will be your father cos my father above has first loved me." everytime no matter how busy or tired he is, he would take time to bring me out for dinner with mummy grace or when i'm back home late, he wld stay up to wait for me. sometimes its lil things people do that make one feel loved. this is exactly how i'm feeling now. Just wanna say, "sorry ahpa that i actually doubted your care and concern for me. I will do my best in whatever i do to not disappoint you. I guess you probably won't see this, but i just wanna express how i feel about you cos you're someone special that God placed in my life. "
had the chance to talk to XXXXXXX again (((: am really happy to see her being so positive and wanting to go back to school :D now yvonne has a new goal for next year, other than picking up violin, i wanna become a tutor over here so that more will be able to get back to school or take. whee... this is so exciting and am like all excited and geared up for it. don't give up my dear girl :D cos nothing is too hard for God. 
